NFL Playoffs

It's no wonder that this was such a bad year for Fantasy Football. All four finalists in the playoffs have better defenses than offenses, and not a one has an offensive superstar. Based on that I'll take the Steelers and the Packers next week.

Buckeyes Win!

Err, I mean, former Buckeye Santonio Holmes gets the winning catch in the last minute of the Super Bowl to defeat former Pittsburgh Panther Larry Fitzgerald 27-23.

A much closer game than it deserved to be, and therefore more entertaining for those of us with no real rooting interest or money on the outcome.

As a Browns fan, I'm obligated to hate the Steelers (because they always beat us), but as a football fan I'm obligated to hate on the Cardinals (because they have no right to exist). So lose-lose, but a fun game nevertheless.

That's it for football till next year.

(Oh, and the commercial's tonight were awful. Don't let anyone kid you. And whoever's in charge at GoDaddy should just be ashamed)

Super Bowl Match-Up

Interesting games yesterday. Got to give the Cardinals credit for coming out fast against the Eagles and then having the fortitude to win the game after Philly's big comeback. The Pittsburgh - Baltimore game was not entertaining, but it was brutal and the defense made big plays.

The comeback of Kurt Warner and the woeful history of the Cardinals will be the big human interest story of the superbowl. But in football terms, the only question now is just how badly will the Steelers beat up on the Cards.

NFL Conference Championships

I like the Cardinals to beat the Eagles and the Ravens over the Steelers.

But I have no reason to think that either of those things will actually happen. In reality, the Cardinals should wither into mediocrity under the pressure, and the Steelers never lose these kind of games. Never. Ever.

The only real question mark in either game will be the play of Donovan McNabb who has been all over the map this year. My guess is he'll probably keep it together.

NFL Playoff Rankings

Champions: The Great, the Good and the Lucky
1. Titans (13-3)
2. Ravens (11-5)
3. Steelers (12-4)
4. Giants (12-4)
5. Eagles (9-6-1)
6. Chargers (8-8)
7. Colts (12-4)
8. Panthers (12-4)
9. Falcons (11-5)
10. Vikings (10-6)
11. Dolphins (11-5)
12. Cardinals (9-7)

Kicking Themselves: Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda
13. Patriots (11-5)
14. Saints (8-8)
15. Jets (9-7)
16. Buccaneers (9-7)
17. Packers (6-10)
18. Bears (9-7)
19. Cowboys (9-7)
20. Bills (7-9)
21. Texans (8-8)
22. Redskins(8-8)

The Biggest Losers
23. 49ers (7-9)
24. Broncos (8-8)
25. Jaguars (5-11)
26. Seahawks (4-12)
27. Raiders (5-11)
28. Browns (4-12)
29. Chiefs (2-14)
30. Bengals (4-11-1)
31. Lions (0-16)
32. Rams (2-14)

NFL Rankings

Outcomes Edition

Super Bowl Division
1. Titans 12-2
2. Panthers 11-3
3. Colts 11-4
4. Giants 11-3

Playoff Division
5. Steelers 11-3
6. Dolphins 9-5
7. Cowboys 9-5
8. Patriots 9-5

Wildcard Division
9. Vikings 9-5
10. Broncos 8-6
11. Falcons 9-5
12. Jets 9-5

Teeth-Gnashing Division
13. Buccaneers 9-5
14. Cardinals 8-6
15. Bears 8-6
16. Ravens 9-5

Fire a Coordinator Division
17. Redskins 7-7
18. Eagles 8-5-1
19. Texans 7-7
20. Saints 7-7

Finger Pointing Division
21. Bills 6-8
22. Chargers 6-8
23. 49ers 5-9
24. Jaguars 5-10

Fire Your Coach Division
25. Browns 4-10
26. Bengals 2-11-1
27. Raiders 3-11
28. Packers 5-9

Move to a New Town Division
29. Rams 2-12
30. Seahawks 3-11
31. Chiefs 2-12
32. Lions 0-14

NFL Playoffs Round 2

The Saturday games were a testament to the power of over-dogs. We already knew that the Patriots were pretty awesome, but just how awesome are the Green Bay Packers? I think they just might be very, very awesome, and with the Cowboys out of the way we could see Brett Favre doing his John Elway impersonation in the Super Bowl.

The Sunday games were all about the grit and determination of road underdogs overcoming adversity, et cetera and so on.

Next week, the Saturday winners should crush the Sunday winners and in convincing fashion.

Other thoughts:

• The Chargers did an amazing job against Peyton, taking away his arsenal of weapons and forcing him to go with his last option every time.
• The Colts missed Marvin. A lot.
• The turnovers and red zone misses came from the fact that they could not run the ball.
• The Chargers offensive line is the real star of the team. Who knew that it was them and not LT and Rivers et al. Apparently anyone can look like a superstar behind those guys.
• Rivers is a jerk who will unravel against the Pats.
• The Cowboys on the other hand are a team of superstars. They needed T.O. healthy in order to win.
• Romo's play was meaningless.
• Eli Manning played the game of his career and didn't put up big numbers.
• I still can't figure out the Giants. When they win, it doesn't make sense and when they lose it doesn't make sense. Mostly it's just too painful to watch the faces of Coughlin and Manning as they betray their every though and emotion.
  
• I won't say anything against T.O. for crying. I've seen my team go down in flames enough times to know how he feels.
  

The Patriots are the Greatest of All Time

There, I said it.

Football fans outside of Boston have been going through the five stages of grief with regard to the success of the Patriots this year: Anger (they cheat!), Denial (yeah, but they haven't won the Super Bowl yet), Bargaining (please let the Colts win the AFC, please, please), Depression (why even bother having the playoffs if the Pats are just going to win anyway?), etc., etc.

It is now time for Acceptance. As King Kaufman writes:

The Patriots haven't won the Super Bowl, but as far as the regular season goes, they haven't matched the '72 Dolphins, they've blown them out of the water.

The '72 Dolphins played a ridiculously easy schedule. They played two games against teams that had winning records, and both of those teams, the Giants and the Kansas City Chiefs, went 8-6. There were six teams in the league, excluding the Dolphins, that had a better record than anybody Miami played. Eight of the 26 teams in the NFL went to the playoffs in those days. The Dolphins didn't play any of the other seven.

Nowadays 12 of 32 teams go to the playoffs, and this year's Patriots played six of the 11 others, plus a game against the Cleveland Browns, who went 10-6 and missed the postseason on a tiebreaker. The Pats played two of the top three teams in the league by won-loss record -- excluding themselves. They played three of the top five and five of the top 10.

The Patriots regular season run against the Colts, Steelers, Cowboys, Giants, etc. was pretty dang impressive.

Now, let's all hope they choke in the playoffs and we get some good games.

NFL Week 15 Rankings

I haven't updated my rankings since Week 10, so what I thought I would do this time around is just look at the last 5 weeks and see who is hot and who is not. One, it's good to know who is playing well as we gear up for the playoffs and, two, it's interesting to see how teams are playing now that the weather is turning cold and nasty.

The results are pretty surprising, and point toward the possibility of some exciting upsets in the early rounds. The Steelers and Giants both look like they may make early exits, while the Vikings and Chargers could make runs. The Jags and Bucs have both quietly moved into position to play spoiler. The Patriots are still the team to beat, but teams are beginning to figure them out and make them look mortal again (what happens to their 16-0 record if they're finally upset in the second round by, oh, say, Jacksonville?). And lest we forget, the Cowboys and Packers are still the elite in the NFC and the Colts are still the defending Superbowl champs (and winners of their last 5).

I was beginning to get bored by the season and the prospect of the Patriots blowing everyone out, but this list gives me hope that something interesting could still happen. The only thing that scares me now is the prospect of the Chargers putting up 51 points against the Browns in the first round. Cleveland needs to steal that #4 spot from Pittsburgh and hope it snows in what would then be a potential match-up with the Jaguars.

1. Minnesota Vikings 5-0 (NFC #6 Seed)
2. New England Patriots 5-0 (AFC #1)
3. San Diego Chargers 4-1 (AFC #3)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars 4-1 (AFC #5)
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 4-1 (NFC #4)
6. Indianapolis Colts 5-0 (AFC #2)
7. Green Bay Packers 4-1 (NFC #2)
8. Dallas Cowboys 4-1 (NFC #1)
9. New Orleans Saints 3-2
10. Seattle Seahawks 4-1 (NFC #3)
11. Houston Texans 3-2
12. Cleveland Browns 4-1 (AFC #6)
13. Denver Broncos 2-3
14. Cincinnati Bengals 2-3
15. Washington Persons 2-3
16. Philadelphia Eagles 2-3
17. Chicago Bears 1-4
18. Arizona Cardinals 2-3
19. Pittsburgh Steelers 2-3 (AFC #4)
20. New York Jets 2-3
21. St. Louis Rams 2-3
22. New York Giants 3-2 (NFC #5)
23. Oakland Raiders 2-3
24. San Francisco 49ers 2-3
25. Tennessee Titans 2-3
26. Baltimore Ravens 0-5
27. Buffalo Bills 2-3
28. Carolina Panthers 2-3
29. Miami Dolphins 1-4
30. Detroit Lions 0-5
31. Kansas City Chefs 0-5
32. Atlanta Falcons 0-5

NFL Rankings Week 10

Kubler-Ross Edition

Acceptance Division - These teams will be OK
1. New England
2. Pittsburgh
3. Indianapolis
4. Green Bay
5. Dallas

Depression Division - These teams will never be good enough. Why bother?
6. Seattle
7. Tennessee
8. New York Giants
9. San Diego
10. Tampa Bay

Bargaining Division - If they finish strongly, catch some breaks, they might make the playoffs. Maybe. Please?
11. Jacksonville
12. Philadelphia
13. Detroit
14. Cleveland
15. Arizona

Anger Division - Why are they so lousy! Arrrgghhh!
16. Washington
17. New Orleans
18. Houston
19. Minnesota
20. Cincinnati
21. Buffalo
22. Carolina

Denial Division - It just doesn't seem possible that these teams could be so bad.
23. Oakland
24. Chicago
25. Kansas City
26. Baltimore
27. Atlanta
28. New York Jets
29. Miami
30. Denver
31. St. Louis
32. San Francisco

NFL Rankings Week 9

Chakra Edition

Sahasrara, or Crown Division
1. New England Patriots 9-0 (1)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers 6-2 (3)
3. Indianapolis Colts 7-1 (2)
4. Dallas Cowboys 7-1 (4)
5. Green Bay Packers 7-1 (5)

Ajna Division
6. Tennessee Titans 6-2 (9)
7. New York Giants 6-2 (8)
8. Seattle Seahawks 4-4 (7)
9. San Diego Chargers 4-4 (6)
10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 5-4 (12)

Vishuddha Division
11. Detroit Lions 6-2 (21)
12. Minnesota Vikings 3-5 (14)
13. Jacksonville Jaguars 5-3 (10)
14. Philadelphia Eagles 3-5 (11)
15. Cleveland Browns 5-3 (15)

Anahata Division
16. Washington Persons 5-3 (18)
17. New Orleans Saints 4-4 ( 24)
18. Arizona Cardinals 3-5 (16)
19. Houston Texans 4-5 (22)
20. Oakland Raiders 2-6 (20)

Manipura Division
21. Carolina Panthers 4-4 (17)
22. Kansas City Persons 4-4 (19)
23. Baltimore Ravens 4-4 (13)
24. Buffalo Bills 4-4 (26)
25. Cincinnati Bengals 2-6 (23)

Swadhisthana Division
26. Chicago Bears 3-5 (25)
27. New York Jets 1-8 (28)
28. Atlanta Falcons 2-6 (30)
29. Miami Dolphins 0-8 (27)
30. San Francisco 2-6 (31)

Muladhara Division
31. Denver Broncos 3-5 (29)
32. St. Louis Rams 0-8 (32)

NFL Rankings Week 8

Radiohead Edition

No Surprises Division
1. New England Patriots 8-0 (1)
2. Indianapolis Colts 7-0 (3)

I Might Be Wrong Division
3. Pittsburgh Steelers 5-2 (2)
4. Dallas Cowboys 6-1 (4)

You and Whose Army? Division
5. Green Bay Packers 6-1 (6)
6. San Diego Chargers 4-3 (11)
7. Seattle Seahawks 4-3 (7)
8. New York Giants 6-2 (8)

There There. (The Boney King of Nowhere.) Division
9. Tennessee Titans 5-2 (10)
10. Jacksonville Jaguars 5-2 (9)
11. Philadelphia Eagles 3-4 (12)
12. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 4-4 (13)

Optimistic Division
13. Baltimore Ravens 4-3 (15)
14. Minnesota Vikings 2-5 (16)
15. Cleveland Browns 4-3 (19)
16. Arizona Cardinals 3-4 (18)

High And Dry Division
17. Carolina Panthers 4-3 (14)
18. Washington Persons 4-3 (5)
19. Kansas City Persons 4-3 (20)
20. Oakland Raiders 2-5 (21)

Packt Like Sardines In A Crushd Tin Box Division
21. Detroit Lions 5-2 (24)
22. Houston Texans 3-5 (17)
23. Cincinnati Bengals 2-5 (22)
24. New Orleans Saints 3-4 (27)

Exit Music (For A Film) Division
25. Chicago Bears 3-4 (23)
26. Buffalo Bills 3-4 (29)
27. Miami Dolphins 0-8 (26)
28. New York Jets 1-7 (25)

How To Disappear Completely Division
29. Denver Broncos 3-4 (28)
30. Atlanta Falcons 1-6 (30)
31. San Francisco 49ers 2-5 (31)
32. St. Louis Rams 0-8 (32)

NFL Week 7 Rankings

This week's rankings:

1. New England Patriots 7-0 (2)
No one is invincible. And the Patriots give up points.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers 4-2 (1)
My AFC sleeper team. Unfortunately they can't play western road games (losses at Denver and Arizona). Lucky for them, their only other trip west of the Mississippi is at St. Louis.

3. Indianapolis Colts 6-0 (3)
Keep playing beneath the radar. Nothing matters until you play the Pats. Nothing.

4. Dallas Cowboys 6-1 (6)
The Vikings almost had 'em. Next three games are in conference. Could get interesting.

5. Washington Persons 4-2 (5)
My NFC sleeper. I may need a new one after they travel to New England.

6. Green Bay Packers 5-1 (7)
7. Seattle Seahawks 4-3 (16)
8. New York Giants 5-2 (12)
9. Jacksonville Jaguars 4-2 (4)
10. Tennessee Titans 4-2 (8)
11. San Diego Chargers 3-3 (11)
12. Philadelphia Eagles 2-4 (10)
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 4-3 (9)
14. Carolina Panthers 4-2 (14)
15. Baltimore Ravens 4-3 (15)
16. Minnesota Vikings 2-4 (13)
17. Houston Texans 3-4 (17)
18. Arizona Cardinals 3-4 (18)
19. Cleveland Browns 3-3 (19)

20. Kansas City Persons 4-3 (21)
How on earth does KC have a winning record? Oh yeah, their last two wins were against the Raiders and Bengals (see below).

21. Oakland Raiders 2-4 (20)
22. Cincinnati Bengals 2-4 (22)

23. Chicago Bears 3-4 (23)
Griese!

24. Detroit Lions 4-2 (24)
25. New York Jets 1-6 (26)

26. Miami Dolphins 0-7 (25)
The Dolphins' ability to score will eventually turn into wins (59 pts in last two losses).

27. New Orleans Saints 2-4 (29)
Advertisers still love them. Me, not so much.

28. Denver Broncos 3-3 (30)
They defended home turf, but still required a field goal to win. Jason Elam for MVP.

29. Buffalo Bills 2-4 (31)
30. Atlanta Falcons 1-6 (28)
31. San Francisco 49ers 2-4 (27)
32. St. Louis Rams 0-7 (32)

Week 6 NFL Rankings

Ski Trail Edition

Double Black Diamond Division
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (1)
2. New England Patriots (2)
3. Indianapolis Colts (3)
4. Jacksonville Jaguars (6)

Black Diamond Division
5. Washington Redskins (5)
6. Dallas Cowboys (4)
7. Green Bay Packers (8)
8. Tennessee Titans (7)

Blue Square Division
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9)
10. Philadelphia Eagles (12)
11. San Diego Chargers (15)
12. New York Giants (17)
13. Minnesota Vikings (13)
14. Carolina Panthers (18)
15. Baltimore Ravens (19)
16. Seattle Seahawks (10)

Green Circle Division
17. Houston Texans (11)
18. Arizona Cardinals (14)
19. Cleveland Browns (20)
20. Oakland Raiders (21)

4 O'Clock Division
21. Kansas City Chiefs (22)
22. Cincinnati Bengals (21)
23. Chicago Bears (23)
24. Detroit Lions (27)

Bunny Slope Division
25. Miami Dolphins (27)
26. New York Jets (25)
27. San Francisico 49ers (28)
28. Atlanta Falcons (26)

Stuck In the Eisenhower Tunnel Division
29. New Orleans Saints (32)
30. Denver Broncos (29)
31. Buffalo Bills (30)
32. St. Louis Rams (31)

NFL Rankings Week 5

Topical edition

Radiohead Honors System Division
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (2)
2. New England Patriots (1)

Halo 3 Division
3. Indianapolis Colts (5)
4. Dallas Cowboys (3)
5. Washington Redskins (13)
6. Jacksonville Jaguars (9)

Baseball Playoffs Division
7. Tennessee Titans (8)
8. Green Bay Packers (7)
9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (4)

Judd Apatow Division
10. Seattle Seahawks (6)
11. Houston Texans (10)
12. Philadelphia Eagles (11)
13. Minnesota Vikings (12)
14. Arizona Cardinals (14)
15. San Diego Chargers (26)
16. Oakland Raiders (15)

Heroes Season 2 Division
17. New York Giants (19)
18. Carolina Panthers (16)
19. Baltimore Ravens (20)
20. Cleveland Browns (18)
21. Cincinnati Bengals (22)

Ben Stiller Movie Division
22. Kansas City Chiefs (21)
23. Chicago Bears (28)
24. Detroit Lions (17)
25. New York Jets (25)
26. Atlanta Falcons (24)
27. Miami Dolphins (27)

Presidential Candidates Division
28. San Francisco 49ers (29)
29. Denver Broncos (23)
30. Buffalo Bills (30)
31. St. Louis Rams (31)

Real Life Division
32. New Orleans Saints (32)

NFL Rankings Week 4

Music Technology Edition

iPod Division
1. New England Patriots (2)
2. Pittsburgh Steelers (1)
3. Dallas Cowboys (3)
4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5)

Compact Disc Division
5. Indianapolis Colts (4)
6. Seattle Seahawks (12)
7. Green Bay Packers (6)
8. Tennessee Titans (10)

Vinyl Hi-Fi Division
9. Jacksonville Jaguars (11)
10. Houston Texans (7)
11. Philadelphia Eagles (8)
12. Minnesota Vikings (9)

Satellite Radio Division
13. Washington Redskins (14)
14. Arizona Cardinals (17)
15. Oakland Raiders (20)
16. Carolina Panthers (13)

Cassette Division
17. Detroit Lions (19)
18. Cleveland Browns (21)
19. New York Giants (23)
20. Baltimore Ravens (15)

Transistor Radio Division
21. Kansas City Chiefs (28)
22. Cincinnati Bengals (16)
23. Denver Broncos (18)
24. Atlanta Falcons (30)

Eight Track Division
25. New York Jets (26)
26. San Diego Chargers (25)
27. Miami Dolphins (24)
28. Chicago Bears (27)

Victrola Division
29. San Francisco 49ers (22)
30. Buffalo Bills (32)
31. St. Louis Rams (29)
32. New Orleans Saints (31)



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Listening to: Morrissey - Angel, Angel, Down We Go Together
via FoxyTunes

NFL Rankings Week 3

Movie Trilogy edition.

The Lord of the Rings Division
Teams likely to make it there and back again
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (1)
2. New England Patriots (2)
3. Dallas Cowboys (7)
4. Indianapolis Colts (4)

The Evil Dead Division
Give 'em some sugar
5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (14)
6. Green Bay Packers (5)
7. Houston Texans (3)
8. Philadelphia Eagles (23)

The Bourne Division
Good teams looking for the truth of their identity
9. Minnesota Vikings (6)
10. Tennessee Titans (15)
11. Jacksonville Jaguars (11)
12. Seattle Seahawks (10)

The Pirates of the Caribbean Division
Loud, mindless, and fun, even if they're likely to sail off the edge of the map
13. Carolina Panthers (16)
14. Washington Redskins (9)
15. Baltimore Ravens (19)
16. Cincinnati Bengals (17)

The Indiana Jones Division
There's nothing they can possess that can't be taken away
17. Arizona Cardinals (18)
18. Denver Broncos (13)
19. Detroit Lions (8)
20. Oakland Raiders (22)

The Godfather Division
Classic Teams: Everytime we think we're out, they pull us back in
21. Cleveland Browns (21)
22. San Francisco 49ers (12)
23. New York Giants (27)
24. Miami Dolphins (26)

The Matrix Division
Seem cool at first, but disappointing in the end
25. San Diego Chargers (24)
26. New York Jets (28)
27. Chicago Bears (20)
28. Kansas City Chiefs (31)

The Resident Evil Division
Bad from start to finish
29. St. Louis Rams (25)
30. Atlanta Falcons (32)
31. New Orleans Saints (30)
32. Buffalo Bills (29)

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Listening to: Postal Service - Such Great Heights
via FoxyTunes

Truth In Team Initials

At one point in tonight's game between Tennessee (Ten) and New Orleans (NO), the scoreboard said: Ten 10 NO 0.

Fun but meaningless.

NFL Rankings Week 2

Nerdly Star Wars Edition

The Empire Strikes Back Division
1. Pittsburgh Steelers (3)
2. New England Patriots (7)
3. Houston Texans (2)
4. Indianapolis Colts (5)
5. Green Bay Packers (13)

The Star Wars: A New Hope Division
6. Minnesota Vikings (1)
7. Dallas Cowboys (12)
8. Detroit Lions (9)
9. Washington Redskins (14)
10. Seattle Seahawks (6)

The Revenge of the Sith Division
11. Jacksonville Jaguars (22)
12. San Francisco 49ers (15)
13. Denver Broncos (16)
14. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (27)
15. Tennessee Titans (11)

The Attack of the Clones Division
16. Carolina Panthers (8)
17. Cincinnati Bengals (10)
18. Arizona Cardinals (18)
19. Baltimore Ravens (23)
20. Chicago Bears (29)

The Return of the Jedi Division
21. Cleveland Browns (30)
22. Oakland Raiders (24)
23. Philadelphia Eagles (20)
24. San Diego Chargers (4)
25. St. Louis Rams (25)
26. Miami Dolphins (19)
27. New York Giants (21)

The Phantom Menace Division
28. New York Jets (26)
29. Buffalo Bills (17)
30. New Orleans Saints (28)
31. Kansas City Chiefs (31)
32. Atlanta Falcons (32)

Funnest Game Ever

Browns fans have learned to appreciate anything positive, and there was much rejoicing in the land of Cleves this week as they beat the Bengals 51-45. Yahoo has the story:

After he started the game 0-for-5, the fans were rumbling for Quinn to take over.

So Anderson started cracking jokes in the huddle ("He had us laughing," said wide receiver Braylon Edwards) and somehow, some way, after those five consecutive incompletions, he promptly led five consecutive scoring drives en route to hanging more than half a hundred on the Bengals.

"That's just how I go," Anderson said. "I said, 'Hey, I'm just going to take what they give me.' "

What the Bengals gave them was everything. There were no effective pass rushes, huge lanes for Lewis to run through and so many blown assignments that Anderson was able to float some in there. In a prime example, Anderson overthrew a completely uncovered Edwards, who saved the day by making a leaping open-field grab and rolled into the end zone.

It was little wonder Palmer, after a career day, looked shell-shocked. "I'm just going to try to get some sleep," he said.

Of course, to the victors go the laughs.

"That was one of the funnest games I've ever played in," the new hottest quarterback in the NFL said.

Forget the rest of the season. For this one game anyway, the Browns looked like superstars.