Islamic Apologetics

Meanwhile, Christopher Hitchens has an essay on Tariq Ramadan and the "soft mainstreaming of Islamic imperialism":

When I went to Ramadan's event in the Palazzo d'Arco, I had just finished reading Osama Bin Laden's latest anniversary prose-poem. Here, too, are signs of an act being cleaned up. He brags of the murders of Sept. 11, of course (thus inconveniencing all those who attribute them to Mossad or some mysterious other agency), but he does not forget to cite Noam Chomsky, CIA maverick Michael Scheuer, and the Oliver Stone theory of the JFK assassination. He also exhibits concern for the global-warming crisis, the fate of American Indians, and even the recent collapse of the subprime mortgage market. Everything he says about the war in Iraq, right up to the affected concern for the civilian and military casualties, is presented as if he had hired one of Michael Moore's screenwriters as a consultant. Most unctuous of all, he reminds his audience that the Quran has a whole section in praise of the Virgin Mary, an ecumenical point that I had noticed before. (It is typical of monotheisms to plagiarize each other's worst features, from Abraham onward.) I think that this pitch is probably too crude and crass to work, but it's exactly the crudeness and crassness of Bin Laden that require the emergence of more "credible" middlemen to allay anxiety and offer reassurance.

It's not the mainstreaming of imperialism so much as the normalizing of radical conservatism. Basically the same tactics that elected, oh say, George Bush in the first place.

As for Hitchens, I saw him on C-Span recently and he said that it is important to hate your enemy and that it is immoral to do otherwise. He has a point. His position certainly avoids the hypocrisy of the Christianist's two realms approach to the Sermon on the Mount.

My 9/11 Message

Dear Osama,

I see you have now become a TV evangelist. Not the best idea. We don't care what you think about the mortgage crisis or taxes. We're not going to convert to Islam just because the world is a troubled and confusing place. Chasing from one religion to another doesn't solve anything. More importantly, I don't think you want converts. I think you want foot soldiers. So let's get something straight: the first rule of fight club is you don't sit in a cave and make videos about fight club.

Today is the anniversary of 9/11. I know you think that's a pretty big achievement, but I think you just got lucky. I think it was a one in a million shot. I don't think you could repeat it if you tried. So don't get too excited or puffed up with God's power. God had nothing to do with it.

Some people believe the U.S. is a Christian nation. There's a lot of talk, but not much evidence of it. I'm not a religious person myself, but I can recognize good poetry when I see it. So do yourself a favor and put down the Koran. Go get yourself a copy of Matthew 5-7. It's called the Sermon on the Mount. I know you're a pretty religious guy, so I think you'll dig it. It teaches a very simple message of poverty, charity, service and forgiveness. Loving your enemy. Turning the other cheek. That sort of thing.

It's a little soft. A little tree-huggy. Sort of a crunchy, hippy sort of vibe. But it gets to the heart of the Jesus story, and they are things I don't find much of in my world or yours. So if this really was a Christian nation as so many claim, here's what I would like our leaders say to you: we forgive you.

We will abandon our war on terror. We will abandon our thirst for vengeance. We will give up our hate and fear. We will grieve. We will forgive. We will move on.

Why? Because we are better than you. We have a richer culture, better books, and nicer clothes. We have Lou Reed and James Joyce and Alfred Hitchcock and Sylvia Plath and Jack Kerouac and David Bowie and Audrey Hepburn and Joy Division and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We have jazz and Lovecraft and Han Shooting First and New Yorker cartoons and Morrissey and The Lord of the Rings and Emily Dickinson and the Bravo network. What have you got?

They won't say anything like that of course. They don't really believe in everything they claim to believe in. They don't really have the courage of their convictions in war or peace. They send 180,000 to fight a war when 400,000 would win it. They claim near-Imperial power for six years but do nothing more than spy, torture, and keep secrets. They serve no one but themselves and those things that will enhance their own power and position.

They won't say it, so I'll say it for them: we forgive you.

The atheists, gays, feminists, liberals, secularists, artists, writers, neo-victorian fetishists, yuppies, squid lovers, karaoke superstars and free-thinkers. Everyone condemned by your backward view of the world: we all forgive you.

You can destroy our buildings and kill our people. But you haven't the power or the will to ever touch our freedom to live, to speak, to think, to love, and believe how we choose. And so, we forgive you.

Come on out of the cave. It's over. Call your kids. Think about retiring to Dubai. Have a good meal. Read a magazine. Take up golf. Religion only leads to disappointment and suffering. Revolutions only lead to the boredom of actually having to govern.

We don't care what you do. We don't care where you go. You and your philosophy are meaningless even in the not so grand scheme of things. You are evil and you are our enemy, but nevertheless, you are forgiven. Now go away.